Back in Nam…

By Haley Preston | Published January 25, 2014

Coming to Vietnam, I had little interest in the history of the war that occurred between our two countries. Mainly, this is because I have little interest in the subject of history.  Additionally, I was annoyed with how much the war has impacted Americans’ views on Vietnam. The responses I got from adults after telling them I was studying abroad in Vietnam was frustrating and discouraging. I feel for anyone who has suffered from the loss of a loved one to the war, but I also realize it is a new era and changes have occurred. I am all for progression and globalization, but Americans’ past feelings towards Vietnam have definitely been a set back to my cultural experience. I wanted to enjoy my time here, but felt as though I should have some guilt in doing so.

Two experiences during our week in Ho Chi Minh City have finally brought out the guilt in me. The first was our visit to the War Remnants Museum. Similar to my lack of care for history, my curiosity for museums was non-existent. The second floor of the museum, however, definitely caught my attention. The pictures of the affects of Agent Orange during the war were beyond brutal. I had been expecting them to be graphic, but what was most surprising was how guilty it made me feel. At that point, I felt uncomfortable being in the museum as an American. Our people had been so careless and destructive to permanently ruin the lives of so many Vietnamese people, in addition to our own soldiers. I am now still struggling to understand if I should continue to embrace this guilt, or try to move on like the Vietnamese have done so well (aside from this one museum).

My second wave of guilt came during our visit at the homestay in the Mekong Delta. Late at night, I had some time to enjoy stargazing by the dock. The serenity, however, was quickly shattered by the sounds of choppers from passing boats… boats! They were not even helicopters, but they were definitely as loud as helicopters. It irritated me for as long as I could take being close to them. It then dawned on me that I could be there. There I was, enjoying my study abroad experience under the safe supervision of Elon and CET. Meanwhile, Americans just decades ago had no choice but to sign off their lives to Vietnam. The river and land I found so beautiful, was probably not so welcoming to soldiers years ago. To them, the sound of choppers were reminders that they stood over their potential graves. My knowledge on the hardships and trauma of war had only extended to novels and movies. But for the first time in my life that night, I finally felt the reality of a war; and knowing I was safe to live to tell of my adventures left me feeling, once again, guilty.

Mekong River

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