Relationships are can never be completely honest. Through experience I have come to realize that people subconsciously put themselves before others in life, not because they utterly want to but because it’s human nature.  A study done in the psychology departments of The University of California by Dr. Bella DePaulo indicated that, “the higher the expectations of others for our own virtuous behavior, and the more important it is to us to maintain our honor in their eyes, the more likely it may be that we will lie to them…” This means that people will do whatever they can to protect their reputation if they care deeply about the person that they are lying too, making lying unfortunately fairly prevalent in romantic relationships. Although most people lie thinking that they can get away with it or that it can benefit their partner, the short-term effects in which may seem rewarding are not worth what can result from telling lies. Many have the impression that telling the truth can be fairly risky and sometimes unnecessary when it comes to romantic relationships. But according to an online journal about titled “The Truth About Deception”  the reality is that, “relationships often come to an end when someone gets caught lying.” When problems arise in romantic relationships, lying to solve them can shows a grave lack of  healthy criticism and of respect, which can end up preventing a relationship from getting stronger or even end it. It is way more beneficial to just face the music and be honest when you and your partner have a disagreement than to risk your character and the trust in the relationship.

Problems arise in relationships all the time we are human and we all make mistakes. Situations in which lying takes place can very depending on the relationships but there seems to be a common themes as to where people lie the most. Research shows that lying happens the most to cover up feelings, actions, and failures. The same study we looked at earlier done by the University of California investigated the everyday lies that college students and others in the community tell by making them record it in a journal. One reported lying to her boyfriend saying that, “[She] told him [she] missed him and thought about him every day when [she] really don’t think about him at all”. This girl realized that the fact that she didn’t think about her boyfriend while she was away from him was a problem, and that the easiest solution would be to lie about her feelings. In the case of a lie like this the boyfriend is left with a false feeling of importance, and although he may never find out, it could make a potential break up feel out of the blue and hurt more. Leaving him thinking that he never saw it coming.

According to Tim Cole such as thing exists in relationships which is titled healthy criticism. Not a single person was made perfect in this world so it makes sense that disagreements will happen, but without the presence of healthy criticism, a simple dislike without presence of confrontation can turn into a festering hate. It is essential that if you have a problem with a certain ability then you should confront your about it.  A friend of mine was telling me that his girlfriend always offered to cook for him but he detested the food that she made. At first he lied by not telling her how he felt and he found himself being completely silent at dinner, resenting the food she cooked and not using that time to bond with his girlfriend. Because he didn’t try to criticize her constructively they lost that time to get closer as a couple. People also lie to avoid constructive criticism when they tell partner that they like what their partner wears when they’ve actually thought to themselves that is has bothered them. In this situation, the lack of healthy criticism through lying would cause one partner to lack the complete confidence that comes with loving and showing off your partner and it could eventually weaken their feelings for that person.

An online journal titled, “Our Everyday Life”  writes about how, “respectful communication is a key element of a successful partnership.”  There are many problematic situations that arise in relationships that if lies are used to solve can be considered a great lack of respect. Violating respect is most commonly done when one partner withholds important information or tells major lies. This same journal stresses the importance of resisting to tell one simple lie that could break down relationship trust because, “trust is built day by day in relationships through genuine discussions and respectfully working through conflicts.” One of the college students from the DePaulo study reported lying about his infidelity to his girlfriend when, “[He] said [he] had been true to his girl.”. Although this lie would have avoided having to deal with a situation where his girlfriend would have been hurt, this demonstrates a lack of respect. Once respect is lost in a relationship, it is difficult to feel a genuine love for your partner, because you siply cannot love someone that you don’t respect.

It is very clear that we as humans tend to lie in our everyday lives. With lies ranging from small to immense. The thing to note is that the saying, “two negatives make a positive” does not apply here. This is because we all know that lying has negative impacts so it only makes sense that if a situation that is already considered a problem is approached with lying, that “solution” will always only be temporary.