“There are always uncertainties ahead, but there is always one certainty-God’s will is good.” -Bruce Wilkinson
For most people, they live out their daily lives without thinking twice about God. It seems that we only pray to God in a time of need or when we are asking him for something, but the other 99% of the time He is not even a thought in our minds. But when tragedy strikes, God seems to be the first person that we blame. When something terrible happens, it automatically becomes God’s fault, and we choose a particular tragedy as the reason to why we don’t pray to him on a regular basis. No one thinks about the over used saying, “everything happens for a reason.” However, when we want or need something we pray to God asking for this, as if he will just respond to all our needs. While carrying out peace missions in various parts of the world, Ken, Heidi and Andrew all had their moments of doubt in God because of the horrible tragedies they were forced to encounter and sights of fellow human beings that one could not even imagine.
Towards the beginning of the book, when Heidi is in Kenya, she kind of pokes fun at God. She is staying with a man, James, and when she wakes up in the morning she is trying to find a bathroom. The book mentions that Heidi is “praying to God he’ll (James) tell me it’s behind an as-yet-unnoticed door (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 100).” It is kind of funny that she says she was praying to God that a bathroom would be in a convenient place, yet she probably wasn’t actually praying to God, kneeling on the floor or anything. A lot of people say “I’m praying to God that blah blah blah,” or “I swear to God, etc.” but they don’t actually mean what they are saying. It is just an expression that the name of God happens to be a part of. Towards the end of the book, even though Heidi does not come out and say that she is questioning God, I think it can be assumed. Her lover of three years, Marc, dies suddenly in an electrical accident, followed by the death of her mother a few days later. I think Heidi felt that after all the work and time she put into trying to maintain peace and love in foreign lands, she is repaid by the death of two people she loved. As I mentioned, she doesn’t come right out and say anything about God, and she doesn’t appear to be too religious throughout the book, but I think she was definitely having some second thoughts about Him during her time of despair.
Ken seems to be a tad more religious than Heidi, and mentions the name of God a few times throughout the book. While in Mogadishu, Ken makes a reference to God in relation to people from the UN being killed. He says that “you can always tell who their friends were as they shuffle broken-hearted around the base. You just put your head down and walk past. There but for the grace of God (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 122).” I this instance, I don’t think that Ken is really blaming or doubting God but he is saying that the UN members who were killed were there in Mogadishu for God and doing and fighting for what they believed was right. I find it interesting the few times that Ken mentions God in relation to Andrew. I think that Ken almost lives through him when it comes to his faith. Still in Mogadishu, Ken has a flashback to Cambodia, where he remembers that he was originally intimidated by Andrew because “he doesn’t bend and his faith doesn’t bend and that’s precisely what I respect about him (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 175).” Even through all of the terrible things Andrew has to see and face as a doctor in warring countries, he remains strong, at least that is how he is perceived by others. Another instance where Ken refers to Andrew and his faith is when the two are in Rwanda during the genocide. Ken finally sees that Andrew is starting to break down under the weight of everything he has succumbed to over the past couple of years. The burden of not being able to help in certain areas he was assigned to starts to take a toll on him. Ken says it’s like a cycle, “the worse it gets, the more work for Andrew; the more work he does, the worse it gets (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 227).” Ken also goes to say that “it’s painful to see him wrestle with his conscience. The God he was taught as a boy to serve is merciful and just, but there’s no evidence of justice or mercy in Bosnia or Rwanda (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson. pg. 227).”
Andrew is definitely the most religious out of the three, and it shows throughout the book. I feel that Andrew almost felt a calling by God to travel to these warring countries, and as a doctor, try to save as many lives as possible, or bring peace to the families of the deceased. In the beginning of the book, Andrew is confident in himself and in his faith, but this is slowly torn apart, and by the end of the book he is a mess. He is unsure of the work that he is doing and his faith in God. In the beginning of the book, while in Haiti, Andrew says, “But I’m not here on a whim. I know how to save lives and it’s my duty to do so (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 108).” This statement surely shows the confidence that he has. He also says, “my father taught me that when I was a boy, when he would kneel beside the wooden bed, showing me how to pray to a good God…It’s been over twenty years since I prayed beside my bed with my father. But as I take my first steps on Haitian soil, I’m still answerable to those beliefs (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 108).” Through these statements it is clear that Andrew has all the faith in the world in God and he believes that as an individual he cannot be broken by what he encounters on his peace missions. However, towards the end of the book, Andrew finds himself atop a church in the bell tower in Rwanda. By this point, he is really questioning God and how he could let such tragic things happen to human beings. He has just spent time going through piles and piles of dead bodies, many of which were killed in the very church he is present at. He wonders how God could let these brutal acts take place, in a church nonetheless. While atop the bell tower, it is mentioned that Andrew decides God “heard all the desperate prayers from the kids and the half-dead women…because everyone was praying for something, if only a quick death, facing a machete through the head. And God just pissed all those prayers back down to earth, leaving everyone to die. This can’t be the God I prayed to as a missionary kid…this is a pitiless stranger and to pray to him up here in this bell tower would be absurd (Cain, Postlewait, & Thomson, pg. 243).” It is obvious that at this point in his life, Andrew is seriously doubting God. He evens mentions that it can’t be the same God he use to pray to all the time with his father. He doesn’t want to believe that the God he spent so much of his time praying to, would let heinous acts happen to innocent people.
In an article titled “Caring for Others, Caring for Yourself,” it mentions that common post-traumatic symptoms in the category of spiritual discontents are loss of faith in God and belief one has been cursed by God (Ehrenreich). Loss of faith in God was definitely a common theme for Ken, Heidi and Andrew, but it is the latter that is interesting to me. It doesn’t appear in the book that any of the three feel cursed by God, but even though it is not mentioned in the book, it is quite a possibility. Maybe one, or all three of them, feel that they are being punished for some reason by God, especially Andrew who has the biggest faith in Him. This book leaves many questions to be answered about the faith of Ken, Heidi and Andrew. Was it restored once they returned back to their normal lives? Did they remain broken in faith?
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