Marcus Willoughby: Losing is Essential to Winning

You win some and you lose some. Everyone knows that there is a first, second and third place in any competition. Losing is a part of life and is a skill that kids today are not learning or experiencing.  Everyone must learn how to deal with losing and it is something that you cannot teach without experiences.  Coping with failure is something that kids do not have the opportunity to learn even though it is an important aspect of life. Losing and winning comes in many different shapes and sizes and goes beyond sports and activities as a young kid matures to be an adult.

From being an athlete, I have lost many games in my life. I believe that the loses I have suffered got me to where I am today. As Lorde describes self-determination as “to define ourselves, name ourselves, instead to be defined and spoken for by others.” I think this characteristic is important because when you lose it encourages you to work harder. This quality trait would not be prevalent in sports if kids are constantly being rewarded regardless of the outcome. From my losses I became more driven to win at all things. If I was given participation trophies when I was younger I would not have found self-determination. Through my losses I found ways to achieve that main goal  of winning. Honestly, I feel that participation trophies are just disrespectful towards the winning team, because the losing team loss but are still rewarded. As a man that is full of pride, when it comes to losing a game and leaving empty handed, that motivated me to come back next time to win.

In the real world, you do not just show up to work and receive a trophy for greatness, you have to put in time and effort. From all my losses in sports, I have learned many life lessons past sports. I have learned to use my self determination because nothing is ever given in life. In life you have to work to achieve your goals. Also in sports, I was taught the idea of humility and how it can be used everyday and not just sports. Humility was taught to me because at a young age I was a very obnoxious kid who was a sore loser and a sore winner. I always wanted to take home the big trophy therefore, I wanted to win at all cost.

When I was in fifth grade I was participating in a Taekwondo tournament with over sixty participants. There were only five trophies, which means there were no participation trophies. I came there determined to go back home with the first place trophy but unfortunately I came in sixth. Since I finished at sixth place I went home empty handed. That night I was determined to get back there to redeem myself, therefore I started working extra hard by staying after practices and doing extra workouts like pushups and situps. I was doing all those things because I felt like I had failed myself since I did not come home with the first place trophy and I was willing to do anything to redeem myself and achieve my goal. Luckily, there was another huge tournament two months later with around eighty participants. My determination to redeem myself from the last tournament leaving empty handed  helped me come in  second place at this tournament. Although, I still did not achieve my goal of first place, I was very proud of my second place trophy and my improvement from sixth to second. I believe if I was given a participation trophy from the first tournament, I would not have had that drive to improve and bring home a hard earned trophy .

According to a study done in the New York Times In Southern California the Youth Soccer Organization hands out roughly 3,500 awards each season — each player gets one, while around a third get two.  No matter what the participants’ skill level is or how many games they win, they get a trophy.  It is becoming an ‘attendance trophy.’ Parents sign their kids up for some of these leagues because they know that no matter what there is a trophy or a medal at the end of the season. Regardless of the outcome during the season or how hard their child works they are happy at the end of the year with the trophy.

Children growing up with an inflated sense of self from their experiences can often lead to a feeling of being entitled.  Many people who are entitled in the end are less successful and have a higher chance of failing.  They seem to be lacking the inner drive and discipline and just want everything handed to them.  They need to experience loss and learn from the many lessons that come with it, along with the value of hard work to achieve success.